So I've come to realize I'm about as good at blogging as I am at writing a journal. LOL I mean I love to get my feelings out on paper or on line but I never have the time it feels like. I'm constantly doing something or should be doing something else. I finally forced myself to sit down and make another post!
I'm not sure exactly what I want this blog to be about in the long run. I mainly needed to write things out and get them off my chest. Lately I've been holding a lot of stuff in. By stuff I mean things I've been thinking... I've been so stressed and confused it's not even funny. I just celebrated turning 26 years old.... That's honestly not a problem but every year I think about where my life is at and where I always dreamed it would be. It's always a slap in the face for me. I mean who has all these plans at one point in their life but then they turn around and life is nothing like what they planned? I used to dream that I would be a lawyer, or a music producer by this time in my life... Well that's not exactly where I'm at, and I'm not so sure that's even what I want anymore. I've been looking into going back to college for a little over 6 months now... It's a tough decision for me because I can't see myself in any sort of profession. So I've hit a road block yet again. On top of that I'm confused by certain people in my life right now. I'm being told that someone I care about is still in love with me... Which is a great feeling but he hurt me more than I can ever really explain. I'm not so sure what I feel anymore when it comes to him other than I still care if he's happy or not. I'm not in love with him anymore and I don't see myself ever falling back in love with him. It was hard to tell him that because I didn't want to hurt him. Overall though I figured it wasn't fair to not tell him where I stood either. Which is what I did, and now I'm feeling "bad" for hurting him. I've never been the person to break someone's heart. At least not to my knowledge... But I'm fully aware that I broke his heart. Which kinda breaks mine in return... I know messed up right? He hurt me way worse than me being honest with him and I'm feeling bad about that.
Which I guess leads to my next rant about how much I'm trying to change my life.... I love where my life is right now, don't get me wrong. I'm just wanting more. I'm 26 years old. It's time for me to look at the bigger picture again. I love the people I have in my life, the support they give me is amazing. I'm just wanting to make more out of myself. I want to feel proud of what I do everyday. I'm learning new things about myself every time I turn around. Which is great but I want those people that support me to know that they're supporting someone who supports myself. I'm constantly being told how great of a person I am, and that I'm truly amazing. Which I know, but sometimes I forget that because I'm constantly relying on other people. I know, this kinda sounds like a poor me post... But I'm just trying to give myself a little stress relief before the new things happen!
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